Like a Child

Wet leaves on the pavement,
Rain pelting them down
Pushing them into the concrete.
Into cold, hard earth.

The world's tears washing with my own.

And the force releases a smell
Sweet
Pungent
Dirt and death mixing to make way for new life.

A scent that draws me back
My childhood
Toronto
The yard, the grass, the dirt, the leaves.

An aroma that soaks right into my self
As I roll around in fragments of life
As I kick up the fallen leaves of existence.


The leaves before me today are much larger.
So too am I.


Like a child who's lost and has no idea of the way home
I let the tears flow.

In the shower
As I dress
As I bring myself to leave this alcove
And walk the path I've walked so many times before;
Sometimes in joy, sometimes sorrow, sometimes dread.

I am thankful that nature cries with me
Shares my pain
Sheds the tears that lead to renewed life
To growth.

I listen as the roof is pelted
I lift a forgotten umbrella above me.

I want our tears to mix but I only have ten minutes to find myself
To compartmentalize.

Practicality.
I can't do that dripping.

But still I fail.


Like a child
I return to my alcove
I let the tears flow.

And as they fall until there are none left
Until I've become dry
Something begins to fill the void...

To be lost in your tears
Your confusion
Your anger and frustration and hurt and 'whys'

And the one you most want to hold you -
Is the reason you want to be held.


I curl and sink, and rise and fall
I pound the bed, sway to the music and
Let another woman's words infiltrate
Soothing my soul.

I question and yell and whisper.
(Is this even me?)
I breathe.
I cry.

Like a child I let the tears flow.

Then, staring into the blankness I feel
As the last drop slowly makes it's way down
Caressing my face.
And finally, as like a child I've let the tears flow
Another flow makes it's way through me.

Like a child. But I'm a woman.

The end brings
A beginning;
Release
Beauty
Freedom.

A slow intake

The breath of new life.