The Killing Fields

June 23, 2009

I wish I were enjoying this more. I wish I were doing things that were incredible and memorable and lifechanging. There are good times, but so much is just wearying. We bought a bunch of souvenirs in Vietnam but didn't manage to mail them. So now we're in Cambodia, landlocked and they refuse to ship surface boaxes the size of ours and air is $100. So, I now have 4 extra kilos in my bag that makes it insanely big and throws off my balance. Oh joy of joys! Haha, can you tell I feel a little miserable right now? And it's SO hot. So insanely, disgustingly hot. Well, I'm sure what we're going to see today will put things into perspective some . . . .

We're in the Killing Fields in Phnom Penh right now. When you enter the first sight to greet you is a huge monument at least 3 storeys high. As you approach you see rows and rows of shelfs. Closer still - the shelfts becoem full of human skulls.

The first row is the skulls of 15-20 year old women.

Walking around and gazing at these remnants of lost lives my stomach couldn't even church. I felt so empty. As I continued on I read the signs notifying the toruists of sites where victims were dropped en masse in trucks, sites where they were executed by beatings, clubbings, swords. Sites where electric stations were set up so the Khmer Rouge soldiers could see to continue the killings at night. Moving further on signs annouce the sites of mass graves -450. The next one - 166 - headless.

The sun is blazing, but every now and then there's a refreshing breeze. There's an elementary school adjacent to the property and I can hear children playing and laughing. I walk on and see remnants of clothing peeking up through the ground. I know whose they must be. There are bones on display, against trees, shards that look like hallowed out branches.

As we walk farther we pass a lovely pond surrounded by lush greenery, cows grazing in the distance. As I sit and write children are playing 20 feet away from me. Bouncing their balls and laughing. Earlier one of the girls rode by me on her bike tooting her horn.

This place holds a history of such senseless empty death, such cruel unimaginable killing. It's a wonder that faith is so strong in this country . . . . (cut) . . . I know there's so much good, so much beauty - does that make the pain, the ugly worth while?

Serene and I were talking this morning. I mentioned that humans are like parasistes, destroying everything around us, only worse, because we also destroy ourselves. Yep, constantly working towards self-extinction, and in so many ways.

At least we're creative.